TheGioBlog

I thought twice before actually writing this down.
Not because I do not know what I feel, but because I know exactly what I feel, and that makes it harder to put into words.

First, I am not mad at you. I am just upset.

I am upset because, for a moment, I really thought you were real.
And I do not usually allow myself to believe that. I question everything, I hold back, I protect myself.
But with you, I let that go.

And maybe that was my mistake.

You left me confused. Without an answer.
And I keep going back to everything I said, every moment I opened up, every time I chose honesty even when I was scared of exactly this outcome.

Because I told you.
I told you I was afraid of this happening.
I told you how much it hurts me to feel used, to feel like something temporary, like something that can just be left behind without a second thought.

And you knew that.

That is the part that stays with me.

I am not trying to blame you, and I am not asking for anything.
We did not even get to a point where I could expect something from you like that.
And honestly, you will probably never even read this.

But it still hurts.

Because everything I said to you was real.
Nothing was calculated, nothing was played, nothing was half-hearted.
I meant it when I cared, when I showed up, when I stayed.

And now I am left with this quiet feeling of being… replaceable.
Like I was something that felt good for a moment, but not enough to be kept.

And I hate that feeling.
Because it is one I have known before.

And you knew that too.

And still, even with all of this, there are parts of you that I cannot just turn off.

I still think it is cute, the way you are with your eyes.
The little things you do without even noticing.
I still love your hair.
I still notice your piercings, the way they somehow fit you perfectly.

And more than that, I miss the way you listened to me.
Like you were actually there. Like what I was saying mattered.

That is what makes this harder.

Because I still like you.
I still see the version of you that made me feel safe enough to be that open again.

I understand that you might need space. I really do.
I am not asking for explanations, for long conversations, for anything heavy.

I just wanted something simple.
A response. A sign. Something light that showed me I was not just left behind in the middle of something I thought were building.

Because the silence.
the silence hurt me so much more than any truth you could have told me.

Silence leaves room for everything.
Doubt, overthinking, questions that do not have answers.

And I wish you knew that.

But it is okay.
I have been here before.

I know how to sit with my feelings, how to process them, how to move forward even when I do not get closure.

I just did not expect to have to do it with you.

And will probably never try again.